I have a memory like an elephant and there is not much that I forget. This is both a blessing and a curse. I remember things like the birthdays of many friends from high school that I haven’t seen in years and I almost never forget a name. However, I also remember just about every embarrassing, stupid or terrible thing I have done. And, those memories aren’t dulled by time, oh no, they are still just as vivid as the day they happened and still have the ability to make my face burn. There are a even few foot in mouth moments that I am still beating myself up over, 10 years later!
The one that does make me laugh after all these years though is probably the most embarrassing. Growing up we lived in a house on the main street of our town. The street was the busiest street in town as it was lined with schools and businesses and was the route that most school buses and commuters took through town. My sophomore year of high school I walked to school down this main street, then through a side street to get to school. I would walk around to the side of the building and wait for my best friend’s bus to drop her off each morning.
One warm spring morning, dressed in a skirt and no coat, I made my way down the main drag to school. Suddenly a car zoomed by and some kids hung out the window whistling at me! Next a car drove by and honked it’s horn. On and on it went during my 10 minute walk through the middle of town. Horns were honking, people were whistling and cat calling. I guessed I must have looked pretty darn hot in that outfit, or else people were just being really strange that morning. I made my way to school and around the side of the building to wait.
A female janitor was outside the building cleaning up some litter and said to me, “Oh honey, the back of your skirt is a little ruffled.” I felt where the back of my skirt should have been and felt…only underwear! I had walked all the way to school, by dozens of passing buses and cars with my the back of my skirt COMPLETELY tucked into my underwear. Not a corner, not a smidge, the entire back crammed into my underwear.
Now, as bad as it was (and it was bad, I floated through the day feeling very dizzy) it could have been worse. I didn’t see any other students on campus that morning, and the janitor caught my error before any of the buses offloaded. I could have been standing there with my ass hanging out for all of the school to see if she hadn’t been there to help. God bless that janitor wherever she is!
Now when I wear a skirt I check and double check the back of it before I leave the house or bathroom. One good thing about being embarrassed, you rarely make the same embarrassing mistake twice. I can only hope that the people who saw me in all my glory that day don't have a memory as good as mine!
Homemade 100 Grand Bars
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