Wednesday, May 27, 2009

I Know This Much Is True

For my whole life I have been me. Good, bad, ugly, weird, I have been me. I never went along with the crowd, I was never easily swayed, I have always been exactly who I am at all times. Until now.

When you enter unfamiliar territory you put on your best face, your most outgoing personality and you may even act a little phony in order to let people get to know you before you let your freak flag fly. When we moved to New Mexico and I was slogging my way through trying to make new friends in a new environment, I may have done this. Now, after a year and a half all bets are off and people are going to have to take me or leave me, loud mouth, swears, opinions, tattoos, piercings and all. Those friends that I have made who like me because of me will still do so, those who don't...won't. I wouldn't want it any other way.

In high school I was considered weird by a lot of people. I dressed differently (think Clarissa from Nickelodeon's 'Clarissa Explains it All'). I had bright pink Doc Martens before they were cool, I wore platform shoes long before the wedge made it's triumphant return. I was me, totally and utterly me and I didn't care who knew it. I had the most amazing group of friends, all who loved me and didn't care what label was on my jeans. I wasn't an outcast or social pariah, and most people never gave me or my clothes a second thought.

We had a student voice mail system at school and each student was allowed to set up a voice mail box where friends or teachers could reach us and leave us messages (this was before the internet folks). One day a girl named Melissa accidentally left a message for her friend in my mail box. I called her back and let her know. We quickly started messaging back and forth and forming a friendship. I knew who she was, a year ahead of me and one of the "popular preppy kids"; she didn't know who I was. One day we were set to meet up and she didn't show. I got home that night and there was a message on my voice mail from her telling me that she saw me waiting where we were going to meet, took one look at my clothes, realized I was a freak and never wanted to talk to me again. Nice, right?

When Melissa only knew me by my voice on a phone she liked me and we were friends. When she saw me she changed her opinion of me based on how I was dressed. It wasn't devastating or anything like that, but it was typical and it was actually what I was expecting from one of the "popular preppy kids" (I guess I had preconceived - and later confirmed - notions too). Anyway, the point is, in this blogosphere, this arena of mommy bloggers, I don't think I am being myself and this blog isn't really the outlet I had hoped it would be because of that.

So, on to bigger and better things. A new blog where I can rant about my opinions on all subjects that are socially taboo: politics, religion, atheism, discrimination, abortion, corporate greed, feminism, and all things sure to alienate, incite and inflame. I may be a mama, but I still wear some outrageous things and Doc Martens every chance I get. Because if I'm not me then who the hell am I?

Thanks for reading...